We take a break from pushing Alka-Seltzer and Nervine to bring you Asper-Mint, the tablet whose attributes are self-evident.

It has Phenacetin! Alas:

Phenacetin (or acetophenetidin) is a pain-relieving and fever-reducing drug, which was widely used between its introduction in 1887 and the 1983 ban imposed by the FDA on its use in the United States. Its use has declined because of its adverse effects, which include increased risk of certain cancers and kidney damage.

IT'S A FACT: In certain parts of the country they think you can lose a wart by stealing a dish rag. Uh huh. I think someone sent that in as a joke, and the big-city ad-pamphlet writers believed it. Because, you know, Arkansas and Texas.