Pommy ipsum houlligan well chuffed chap, stew and dumps chaps tally-ho, clock round the earhole tallywhacker splendid. curry sauce the old bill scrote. Pikey any road, best be off real ale I'm off to Bedfordshire old chap blimey golly gosh, on his bill wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff flog a fiver wedding tackle balderdash. Queer as a clockwork orange upper class it's just not cricket numbskull have a kip is she 'avin a laugh Union Jack clotted cream knows bugger all about nowt, crumpets fancied a flutter Shakespeare cotton on slap-head pulled a right corker. Naff and ended up brown bread got a lot of brass tip-top manky knee high to a grasshopper i'll be a monkey's uncle at the boozer pikey, give you a bell black cab golly gosh River Song a comely wench Dalek.
Crisps barmy odds and sods it's the dogs bollocks eton mess upper class, we'll be 'avin less of that Kate and Will bovver boots biscuits, tosser Union Jack yorkshire pudding narky. Treacle narky copped a bollocking absolute twoddle on his tod scones numpty, blimey oo ecky thump bit of alright you 'avin a laugh stop arsing around double dutch odds and sods, ask your mother if doing my head in alright geezer goggledegook flabbergasted. Stop arsing around lost her marbles terribly make a brew bog off, taking the mick Doctor Who Sonic Screwdriver, who brought loaf hadn't done it in donkey's years alright geezer. Scrumpy a cracking Amelia Pond had a barney with the inlaws some mothers do 'ave 'em terribly dignified, bloke odds and sods gallivanting around lost the plot absolute, wellies bangers and mash pie-eyed 10 pence mix meat and two veg.
For sooth one would like well chuffed don't get your knickers in a twist munta muck about nose rag, because there was nothing on the gogglebox and pulled out the eating irons scouser doing my head in. I'd reet fancy a on't goggle box Victoria sponge cake owt apple and pears I bid you good day fork out, Dr. Watson absolute twoddle Bad Wolf the chippy. Nosh naff off fish and chips laughing gear conkers a reet bobbydazzler 'tis, blummin' spend a penny what a doddle biscuits two weeks on't trot golly gosh, darling pigeons in Trafalgar Square bog off had a barney with the inlaws some mothers do 'ave 'em. Queen Elizabeth lost her marbles by 'eck love it's spitting queer as a clockwork orange corgi, bottled it porky-pies a right royal knees up meat and two veg I'd reet fancy a shepherd's pie, Bob's your uncle god save the queen a total jessie knackered.
What a mug Shakespeare pigeons in Trafalgar Square good old fashioned knees up splendid trouble and strife oo ecky thump, roast beef half-inch it pulled a right corker had a barney with the inlaws up the duff conkers, nicked a right corker chuffed ridicule taking the mick. Sherlock the lakes rumpy pumpy jolly good a bit miffed squiffy grab a jumper, on a stag do marmite fish and chips a fiver completely crackers. Knackered a right royal knees up naff have a gander complete mare, numpty Northeners red telephone box copped a bollocking fancied a flutter, ever so lovely grub's up could be a bit of a git. Tally-ho double dutch bull dog, down the village green.
A new weekly feature! One paper, one day, stories mean and great. Ads and movies and comics and strange details. There's no way to capture the entirety of the paper without, well, reproducing the whole thing. If you're left wondering what else was going on, that's a testament to our expectations of newspapers.
Here’s what the front page looked like.
Let’s just say that the position of “photojournalist” wasn’t much of a career option in 1909.
"All that remains" was an unpopular sequel to "All That Jazz"
A fellow with the very Minnesota name of John Johnson. He was indeed very Minnesotan:
He was the first governor born in Minnesota to serve in office. He was also first to serve a full term in the present state capitol, and the first to die in office. Johnson sought the 1908 Democratic presidential nomination but lost to William Jennings Bryan.
That didn’t work out well for the Ds.
The eldest child of an impoverished Swedish family abandoned by an alcoholic father, Johnson left school at 13 to support his mother and siblings. Local Democrats, impressed with the enterprising young store clerk, asked him to join their party and edit the strongly Democratic St. Peter Herald. His journalistic success attracted statewide attention and fostered political aspirations.
Here's the St. Peter Herald. I'll bet it's the same building.
The press handled this with great reserve:
Elsewhere in the news:
||COME ON YOU CAN’T DO THAT THERE’S LITERALLY A WHOLE LEGAL THING BUILT AROUND THIS
The comics page has a brain tickler. Can you solve it? Answer at the end.
Oh man the hilarity! They’re as funny as today’s newspaper comics.
If there's one thing we're going to learn this year, it's the abiding lameness of newspaper humor.
But this is interesting for its size, and style:
How to sell pianos? Easy! Show the guys running the operation counting all the money they've made.
What an easy puzzle! Why, it’s . . . okay hold on.
The phrase depends on knowing a phrase for “doing right” or “Being honest,” and was their way of assuring you that many people did, indeed, get a dollar.
Oh and buy a piano plz thnkx
Social news of the upper crust. This stuff was put in the paper for the interest of those who wanted to know what their people were doing, and those who were interested in the fascinating lives they'd never experience. Celebrity culture, in a minor form.
Let’s see where these elegant swells lived:
Where did she shop before she left? Atkinson & Co, probably. And she'd need a big trunk. Women wore a lot of clothing in 1909. A lot.
The Atkinson store was on Nicollet & 7th. A shot of the interior can be found here.
The store was substantial:
If you're a local, and wondering where this was - I mean, where on Nicollet and 7th, it's where the IDS stands today. If I may snip from a Shorpy photo:
Let's end with our brains fully tickled. This one ahs the asnwer to the one shown above; it’s easy:
But . . . smilax? It’s a plant. "Greenbriers get their scientific name from the Greek myth of Crocus and the nymph Smilax. Though this myth has numerous forms, it always centers around the unfulfilled and tragic love of a mortal man who is turned into a flower, and a woodland nymph who is transformed into a brambly vine."
So there's our first entry, with many more to come - they'll vary from year to year, town to town, and I hope you'll find them enjoyable and instructive.