The picture above will be explained in due time. It's a Google Street View, unaltered. Sometimes the camera passes through a time-space distortion field and we glimpse an adjacent dimension.

Great day! Boss called in the morning and wanted to know if I could write a column about a particular subject, and I infered it had come up in the morning meeting and someone suggested I could have fun with it. I never turn those down, because it's good politics to say SIR YES SIR and show what you can do. So I did most of it, worked out, then walked through bone-cracking cold to the car to home.

Well, let's take a look at this week's infuriating junk ads. To repeat something I said last week: in the future you’ll be able to tell something wasn’t written by AI by the poor quality.


The site has nothing about putting a crayon in your wallet. So let’s google that. Many results, like this:

Why put a crayon in your wallet when you travel? There are lots of reasons for slipping a crayon in your wallet.

Okay, not AI written.

I first became aware of the crayon hack about a year ago. I was a seasoned traveler, so this travel hack trick kinda blew my mind.



One reason is to keep your wallet from warping. Inside your wallet you have credit cards and ID cards that can get bent or damaged. A crayon in your wallet will keep that from happening.

This is the stupidest thing I have read today. Granted, it’s not yet noon. But the first thing a crayon in your wallet will do when you sit down is snap in half.

Another reason: if you see a child that may be abducted, you can slip the crayon to the kid so they can write HELP on a bathroom mirror later.

That'll come up often.

Here’s another site that takes on the issue.

You may have heard about the crayon in wallet trick on the internet and may have thought it was just another travelling hack! Though, you’d be mistaken, as the crayon in wallet life hack can help parents and children while travelling but most importantly could also potentially save someone’s life.

There are endless reasons why this life hack is worth the hype. In this article we’ll be talking you through the crayon and wallet life hack and how it helps.

Endless reasons. And they’ll talk us through this hack process.

The site, "Wididi," is all about innovation and making your life better and convenient and has set up this whole thing to sell three things. Which no one buys. Why does this site exist?

Another useless webshite:

There are all sorts of traveling "hacks" that folks are more than willing to share with you. While some may seem like more trouble than they're worth and will ultimately deplete your entire life savings if you aren't careful, there are some that are genuinely great and can potentially save someone's life.

Like why someone would put a crayon in their wallet while traveling. Oh, you've never heard of that “hack"?

I’m keen to know what those savings-depleting hacks might be. Anyway, this piece, like the others, reference “Sarah Elrod-Ausbrook, who thought she saw missing teen, Tylee Ryan” and slipped her a crayon-paper pack. The girl was later found buried on her stepfather’s property. You might have seen the miniseries about it.

Another junk “travel” webshite explains the “hack” for people with an IQ in the tween range:

Here are just a few reasons why you should always have a crayon in your wallet when you travel

Jot down directions: When you’re in a new place it can be tough to remember all the turns you need to make to get to your destination.

That’s where a crayon comes in handy.

Just jot down the directions on a piece of paper and tuck it in your wallet.

Then when you’re ready to head out you’ll have a handy map to follow.

A map? TRAVEL HACK UNLOCKED! Any more ideas?

Leave a note: If you need to leave a note for someone a crayon is a perfect way to do it.

Just write your message on a piece of paper and leave it where the person will see it.

Friends, it gets worse.

We’ve all been there before.

You’re out at a restaurant with your friends or family and the bill comes.

You reach for your wallet only to realize that you don’t have enough cash to cover the cost.

So you do the only thing you can think of – you pull out a crayon and start scribbling on the back of the bill.

The crayon-in-wallet trick is a simple way to get out of paying for a meal that you can’t afford.

It’s also a pretty effective way to get a free meal if you’re willing to put up with a little embarrassment.

What? WHAT?

Here’s how it works:

1. When the bill comes reach for your wallet and pretend to pull out some cash.

2. When it’s clear that you don’t have enough cash pull out a crayon and start scribbling on the back of the bill.

3. The waiter or waitress will usually come over and ask what you’re doing.

4. At this point you can either make up a story about why you’re doing it or just tell the truth and say that you don’t have enough money to cover the bill.

5. In most cases the restaurant will either comp the meal or let you pay what you can afford.

So next time you’re out to eat and find yourself short on cash reach for a crayon and give it a try

Now it gets weird. There’s a third article on the same page.

Crayons are great for security purposes.

If you’re ever in a situation where you need to identify your luggage a crayon can be used to write your name and contact information on the inside of your bag

Crayons can be used as makeshift flashlights.

If you’re ever in a dark hotel room or bus station and need a bit of light a white crayon can be used as a temporary flashlight.

Crayons can help you make new friends.

If you’re ever in a place where you don’t know anyone try drawing a picture with your crayon.

Chances are someone will come up to you and start a conversation.

If you hit the bottom of the page to see who to contact about this tripe, if only to ask them to stop in the name of the internet, it looks a bit fake, no? - Discovering the best, worst, and cheapest time to visit places around the world.
1234 Rocky Mountain Way, Aspen, CO 81611
(970) 555-9876

That's a phone number you hear on a TV show.

Here’s what “" has to say:

Distract security personnel

If you travel frequently, you’ve probably been stopped at a security checkpoint or asked to sit down at an office building or tube station. Regardless of the location, the security personnel will want to see your wallet. While you’re seated, you can put a crayon in your wallet to distract them. The crayon will be a distraction for them, and they’ll think you’re a child.

It goes on and on on page after page. Site after site. Written by no one, read by no one, clicked on by accident, a dollar generated here and there.

And now, the weekly dream-journal entry, illustrated by artificial intelligence.

The credits for Mad Men always ended with Don Draper in a burial plot, shot through the head - so I was quite surprised to learn that I was in on the murder. If it was a murder. A desperate client had gone to the office to demand Don Draper not do the ads for another account, but do his ads instead. Don refused, cooly, and there was a long exterior shot of their office, which happened to be located in the Disneyland castle. It was night; a window lit up temporarily to indicate the gunshot.

Well, the next thing you know, I’m burying Don in this nice park, with a fellow who is sort of Kevin Spacey in the cheerful corruption House of Cards way, but isn’t. The park is full of half-buried people, and it seems rather fake, as if it’s not really a ceremony, and someone is expected to come along and find the dead body of Don Draper and be horrified. Except I don’t think he’s dead, because the show needs him. It would be just like prestige TV to show you the thing from the credits, explain it, and then take the story in another direction.

So we walk away, and Not Kevin Spacey is describing how he woos his girlfriend with lines from Beauty and the Beast. The Broadway show version. He asks if I know the work, and I say of course, but because apparently in my dreams I’m a pretentious killjoy, I said I prefer the Jean Cocteau version.

AI Prompt: Don Draper in a graveyard.

AI Prompt: Jean Cocteau in Beauty and the Beast.

Hoo boy



Today we take a look at a suburban atrocity.

Why yes, it does hail from 1971. Look at that thing. The end point of architecture, right there. No you don't need to look out the window. Natural light is bad for you. It's the architectural equivalent of vending machine coffee.

Premium space at one point, I'm sure. Right by the freeway in the suburbs.

The other day I was passing by, and lo:

Hmm: stripped for a new purpose?

No, it's coming down. Hurrah! Or not hurrah, it should be mourned? This . . . country radio news page says:

This building was at one time a beautiful space, filled with busy office workers, rushing to get their work done for the day. The Southgate Office Plaza in Bloomington was constructed back in 1970. As far as buildings are concerned, a building that lasts for 50 years doesn't seem that old to me. So why would the owners of this building decide to tear it down?

Because no one wants to rent it, and the vast parking lot can be converted into housing, perhaps?

For those that may have visited the building, it might be shocking to see something so majestic, can be gone in the blink of an eye.

Majestic, you say.

A classic last panel that reminds us Lance only needed two panels to nail this yegg.

Solution is here.


This year's old newspaper feature: a "social no-no" single-panel illustration. Can you figure out what's wrong?

Speculate on the etiquette foh-paw in the comments; extract any story you wish. Answer on Monday.


Now two ways to chip in!

That'll do. Have a grand weekend, and we'll start it all up again on Monday.




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