Whoa. The top item is permissible only if your house caught on fire while you were in the shower and the curtain was the only thing you could use for modesty’s sake – but even that doesn’t explain the matching turtledove-remoras that have fastened on her temples.

The blue outfit, aka the TEASER, has a  “buttoned inset waistband” that WHITTLES the middle. Hacks at it with a machete is more like it; there’s nothing left. You’d have to have fifty percent of your ribcage removed to wear that thing, and your liver would push your heart out of position.

The “Gypsy Girl” outfit would come in handy if you were the greeter at an Esteban’s restaurant, and were also a spunky yet  cutely stupid person played by Parker Posey in a Christopher Guest movie. The drawing has an unnerving resemblance to Wig!woman, and here we learn some crucial details: instead of human hair harvested from runaways on Sunset Boulevard, it’s made of “Modacrylic Elura fiber,” which probably means you give off a perfume attractive only to professional carpet installers.