Trim-Jeans! No jeans actually involved, just comfy puffy plastic guaranteed to take NINE inches off your grand American arse in 72 hours. That’s almost an ounce an hour. If you keep it on for a month, it will kill you. It will strip you like a piranha. That’s how good it is.
How does it work? Simple: by appearing in the period of time known as the “space age,” it takes advantage of your belief in inscrutable technology to make you think it has removed adipose tissue, when in fact it’s just bled a few ounce of water out of your flesh. The only side-effect is nipple-darkening, hairy forearms and moire-patterned skin, but it’s a small price to pay to be thin.
A close-up of the “how it works” section follows on the next page.