Welcome to a chilling tale of corrosion, brought to you by the American Society for Anthropomorphizing Every Goddamn Thing in the World. Here we have Ruthless Rust – he wears a tag so people know who he is – terrorizing Ordinary Water Heater.

Caption: “Ruthless Rust” . . . water-heater enemy no. 1 – murders ordinary water heaters."

If my water heater had a face and arms I'd turn it towards the wall, frankly. Anyone who's ever had a water heater experience that moment of catastrophic incontinence wouldn't want to see the expression on its face - if it was relief, you'd be angry, and it if was guilt you'd feel deeply conflicted. You would have to see its horrified expression when the guy from Sears showed up to take it away and replace it with a new one. (Which would be smiling the smug smirk of youth.)

Anyway, Ruthless Rust says “I put the bite on every water heater!” and we can just guess what will happen next: the death of Ordinary Water Heater and the triumph of unconquerable rust! Unless we can find a hero . .