Well, declaring bankruptcy is technically “on their way to success,” since it’s something you have to get past before you can start again. Nels Irwin wants to help you! Just look at these fictional testimonials.

My favorite is the third: “it might interest you to know that Flok-Kraft won first prize in a local Christmas season contest put on by the local newspaper.” What sort of contest? The Annual Yuletide Show Up With an Overpriced Bucket of Foul-Smelling Brown Sludge Contest? Did “R. H.” present a velvety crèche complete with suede-dipped Christ Child? The same idea is present in the fifth letter: “I think you would be gratified and delighted to see how enthusiastically flock is received . . . “ It’s rather touching, how they want to make Nels happy. Lord knows Nels did this out of the great goodness of his heart. Shucks, don’t thank me. I’m just the Johnny Appleseed of flok, friends. Thank Suede Paint, if you must.

Doubt Nels’ sincerity? Read on.