If there's such a thing as an inauthentic Italian recipe, these would be the guys you suspect would use it. If my memory is accurate, and I recall the one time Mom gave in to my begging, this was a catastrophic disappointment: meat-mush, mostly. The sauce - well, there's nothing like it, is there? Like someone tasted ketchup and thought "Too thick; needs sugar water."

BURSTING WITH BEEF? Well, if the can's dented and gets botulism, I suppose.