The basics of his later theories are there; they need but the smelting of time. When Realitism did not ignite as Lucius thought, he founded a new organization: The Society for the Extirpation of Godless Double Meanings, By Christ. It attracted five members, which pleased Lucius to no end. “Five!” he cried. “Let’s see that rosey-crossy stone-chipper claim he has five members! I’d wager he barely has but one!” (It is not known what exactly he meant by this.) One of these adherents to modified Realitism was Robert "Bob" Doft Johnson, perhaps the second most important figure in the Institute’s history. He shared a bond with Lucius that neither man ever deigned to explain, but more importantly, he recognized the commercial potential of Realitism. As he put it in his memoirs, “Memoirs of Bob Doft Johnson” (private collection; unpublished):

I realized there was a great market for some sort of tonic that help people see things clearly, and make them feel better, and this tonic would sell even better if it was composed mostly of cocaine.

Lucius went to work on the tonic, throwing himself into studies of human chemistry. Along the way he made a startling discovery: human blood chemistry changes ever so slightly when the brain creates an additional meaning to supplement the visual information supplied by the eyes. It was, literally, the discovery of Irony in its chemical form.


Once isolated, Irony needed only to be blocked, or counteracted. It would take immense resources, but Lucius had inherited a princely sum. He sought the best minds of Europe and America, bringing them to a scientific establishment he called the Society for Magnetic Realitism. This early ad from 1901 shows that Lucius has already begun to fuse his twin obsessions, Irony and commerce:

He thereafter renamed the Society, calling it the Institute for the Advancement of Chemically American Joy. He later simplified this to The Institute of Official Cheer when he discovered it would fit better on the letterhead. Eventually his scientists developed a means to block irony in the bloodstream through the use of a topical cream; it was trademarked as "Iroline" and sold across the country. Lucius was on his way to fame. Not only could he prevent irony, his team of scientists developed a method for extracting excess bloodstream irony, making patients happier, more cheerful. These two objectives - prevention, extraction - would build the base of Lucius’s fortune.