Not just lard; bland lard. In the early 50s Swift held a contest to name their bland lard, which heretofore had been offered under the name Swift's Bland Lard. The winner got a trip around the world on a prop plane. Who won, I don't know, but the name is inspired: Swiftning Bland Lard. The "Swiftning" connotes a mercurial lightness, ameliorated by the blase, aristocratic implications of "bland," then brought down to the proletarian level with "Lard." Genius!

And no doubt a genius, a Promethean spirit akin to Dr. Frankenstein, created the Bland Lard Man of these ads. A hideous affront to the sight of God, the Bland Lard Man has legs and arms but no head. He plays the trumpet; he juggles. Why? Was it necessary to affix limbs and clothing to a can of lard to demonstrate his versatility?

The answer, of course, is Yes! Of course it was.