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Welcome to the Permanent Collection of Impermanent Art - the nation’s most preeminent center for the study of Commercial Theology. We hope you enjoy your tour, and invite you to linger as you study these works, occasionally nodding as you pretend you are experiencing some private flash of insight, or chuckling to yourself to indicate to others you get the sly reference the artist embedded in his work for people just like yourself. To assist you in the tedious process of forming your own opinions, we have provided audio commentary by the director, telling you what people who are heavily funded by important grants think the work means. Ambiguity has been inserted in these narrations to provide space for your own tediously unoriginal elaborations.

Paintings will be rolled out to the public in small, sparing amounts to assist the illusion of a carefully curated collection.

Thank you for your patronage, and please keep your voice down - unless you are part of a school tour group, in which case the boisterous sound of children will be proof we are fulfilling some banal conception of Community Service that begins a lifelong journey of art appreciation, when it’s actually just giving the little bastards a field trip few, if any, will remember the next day.

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