Hello, I’m from the American League of Justice Dispensed Shirtlessly! Please put your hands in the air and take your eyes off my groin.

Does it matter what this story is about? It has it all: Nazis, women with pliable loyalties, and a buff he-man Yank with a piece! Boy, if there’s a gladiator movie on the box tonight this day will be perfect.

In the background, villagers celebrate Cherry Blossom Day by beating the crap out of a Nazi with hard sticks.