There are times I wish women wore hats, and times I’m glad they didn’t. This page justifies both sentiments.

#7: I will be glamorous and fascinating for a year after we’re married and then I will spend all day indoors in a white gauzy robe complaining of nerves and eventually take to my bed imagining you are having affairs, which you aren’t, until you do, but you can’t leave me because I’m sick Oh Roderick can it ever be the way it was

#8 Someone did, in fact, leave her cake out in the rain

#9 Don’t cross me. My hat doubles as a collapsible drinking cup.

#10 OMG Halle Berry Time Traveler

#11 I can kinda commit to the idea of maybe being a nurse

#12: I’ve seen that in cookbooks, with an olive or pimento in the middle of the cheese star.

#14: Call me the Mad Hatter again and I’ll claw your eyes out

#16 I’m going to move to New York and dance in one of those avant-garde shows and be fascinating and sleep with beatniks and live on love and you can’t stop me Daddy