07 21 05

One step forward: a group of British imams issued a fatwa against suicide bombers. They are not acting in the name of true Islam and will ride a hot slick razor blade straight to hell. Good; more, please. Alas, there’s also one step back: in the same news cycle Republican Congressman Tom Tancredo mused aloud about the proper response to a nuclear attack on America: dropping ten tons of Murcan ordinance on Mecca.

Osama did a little joy-jig after hearing that. As a recruitment tool, it’s better than learning Bush and Sharon are running to Canada to get married. Tancredo’s supporters could say it’s helpful to have a few fellows who sling the loose talk, the better to concentrate the mind of the enemy on the swinging noose. After all, the foreign press is one of those places where the term “Congressman” actually commands some instant respect. What’s the harm?

Sorry. Bombing Mecca to revenge the acts of maniacs is like nuking the Vatican to protest the pedophilia scandal in Boston. The idea appeals to those whose nuanced study of Islam makes them conclude it’s better to alienate one billion people than defeat a fraction of the same group. It appeals to those who believe that Islam is a metal shard that cannot be absorbed and must be removed, preferably by blowing up the body. And burying the remains in pig skins! That’ll learn ‘em! It’s the mirror image of the PC conceit that holds Islam blameless for the terrorists who act in its name, as if there’s nothing in the Qu’ran but sweetness and light towards the infidel. Both groups are wrong; both groups’ misapprehension of the situation will get the rest of us killed.

Tancredo gets points for facing up to a grim question: how does one respond to a nuclear event on American soil? The horrible imperatives of war demand that you must respond, lest anyone get the idea that the United States is just a dead drooling carcass propped in the corner, food for any jackal. You could hit the nations that have concluded it’s still safe to kill Americans. Iran comes to mind. Syria still seems gripped with a nagging case of the Stupids. Our dear bosom friends the Saudis still spread the Wahabbi lovin’ all across the globe and here at home. But do we really want to incinerate Tehran? You’ll probably find more people in Tehran who dearly love America than you’ll find in Berkeley.

It’s come to this: some say we have to destroy Islam in order to save it. Or us. Whatever. But just imagine nuking Tehran ten months after an attack, after the CIA concludes they helped with the bomb. (“Sorry about the WMD thing, but this time, you can trust us. If we’re wrong, well, we’ll all take early retirement. Seriously.”) The world would see it as cold-blooded murder. The world, for once, would be right.

There aren’t any good options. They all stink. It’ll take regime change in Syria, a revolution in Iran and a true come-to-Isa moment in Saudi Arabia to get us past this mess. And we need all that to happen, oh, next week. In the meantime, we need big famous friends in the Islamic world willing to disavow the raving clerics and drop a dime on fanatical mosque-mates. Yes, the London imams are a start, but we need so much more - and so much less loose talk of Tancredo’s variety. Thanks to idiot politicians and clueless media figures, our recent PR record is rather mixed, you know. “Uh, we don’t flush Korans, despite what those other guys said. But we’re considering nuking Mecca. But this isn’t a war on Islam. Sort of. Yet.”

Tancredo is a popular fellow on the right for his immigration stance, appealing to those who find Bush deaf and clueless on the issue. Providing he apologizes, this incident shouldn’t discredit his concerns over border security. After all, if that nuke doesn’t come in by cargo container, it’ll be hauled over the southern border. But he wants to be president? Roll the anti-Goldwater daisy-picking holocaust ads, and goodbye to all that.



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