Bonjure! Welcome to the first of two hoity, toity, fun and fancy-free Hiatus weeks. Instead of just disappearing for a fortnight and hoping everyone will eventually gather in the latter part of July, I've decided to assemble in advance some peculiar content. So I said yesterday, except I've revised this paragraph somewhat again, just to see if you're bothering, or going right to the copy. Ready?

A question for the ages:

It had many meanings. The meaning at the time of the ad: "having or causing a sick feeling in the stomach : feeling or causing nausea." Or was it the other meaning?

angry or bad-tempered

Possibly the third?

very unpleasant to look at

Now, it was actually it was this:

a : of or relating to bile
b : marked by or suffering from liver dysfunction and especially excessive secretion of bile
c : appearing as if affected by a bilious disorder

Perhaps you know this; you all strike me as the sort of people who would.

Bilious is one of several words whose origins trace to the old belief that four bodily humors (black bile, yellow bile, phlegm, and blood) control temperament. Just like phlegmatic ("of a slow and stolid phlegm-driven character"), melancholy ("experiencing dejection associated with black bile"), and sanguine ("of a cheerful, blood-based disposition"), bilious suggests a personality associated with an excess of one of the humors - in this case, yellow bile. Bilious, which first appeared in English in the mid-1500s, derives from the Middle French bilieux, which in turn traces to bilis, Latin for bile. In the past, "bile" was also called choler, which gives us choleric, a synonym of bilious.

This is what happens when you really don't know what's going on. I have the same feeling that contemporary theoretical physics are going to sound like this.

Anyway, the people who want to help your bile situation are utterly altruistic:


It's an ad for Ko-Ro-No. Sorry; KO-RO-NO. The ad tells you that this is risk -free and they want you to be happy, so: "DO NOT USE POISON."

Good advice. Even if you don't read the small copy, you can't help but find the basic ideas compelling:




Your friend:


Damn straight he's a Mason. More than that, he's the savior of the Liver Martyrs:

Every box says it's guaranteed under the FDA, so there you go. Surely it must be. Let's get some testimonials:


Constipation took an awful toll on Mrs. Ritchfield; she looks like Billy the Kid.

Miss Hintz is happy now that she's not taking the family doctors arsenic cathartics.

She lives in the state of I.T., by the way.

  Man, the manure wagon must have made a dozen trips to Burns after the pills started to work.





Say, what about Burns? Well, it's still there. Barely. Two-hundred and 28 souls. Some scenes in Tim Burton's "Mars Attacks!" were shot there. The schools closed down years ago. It was named for a train station; the train doesn't come here anymore. It has highspeed internet and satellite TV.

Here is Burns.



You want commentary on that? Forget it, Jake. It's Hiatustown.


EXIT QUESTION: Your favorite movie one-liner.



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