Fellers! You too can get a hatchet with a handle that snaps off the first time you swing it, or a watch that tells the right time up to twice a day, or a baseball glove made of genuine leatherette, and smells like your grandpa’s breath when you hand gets all sweaty! Just mail this coupon today, and soon you’ll be impressing other Fellers with things! The pictures show the fun you’ll have - you’ll play baseball! Drag a tree stump to the riverbank! Fingerprint your friends for future use when you squeal on them for selling Tijuana Bibles down at the schoolyard! It’s swell, and it helps other guys kill Nazis, too.

All you have to do is go door-to-door selling Collier’s, a magazine everyone loves! So why don’t they already buy it, you ask? Look, kid, don’t overthink this. Just send the coupon, okay?