A whimsical, practical, thrifty assortment of items for the kids. The ruler helps them mark how much they’ve grown – but they haven’t grown much, have they? Not since the collapse of Western Civilization eliminated the luxury of fresh fruits and vegetables in the wintertime.

A few items require close examination.

Yes, well, fat lot of good it does you, Trunky; the pegs are angled down so everything falls on the floor. Teach your kids the futility of life today, and prepare them for tomorrow! (It's possible that this fellow was based on the Scottish Trading Stamp Elephant we featured in the Matchbook Museum. But probably not.)

What the hell?

What the hell? This can only be the bronzed baby shoe of Emmett Kelly’s daughter. It's accompanied by a incorporeal man made from a wire coat hanger. (The coat-hanger medium is difficult, and people tend to be forgiving of faces that look like someone who'd had an electric mixer ground into his facial features.) He is a totem meant to summon the god Tan-Dee, Lord of Crafts; he helps old crafts project cross the great barrier known as the garage door, where they will find final rest in the Can of Eternal Rest.

Lost souls go to the Sale Table of Eternal Rejection.