*E  

 

Someone's sick? Kill him.

-- Andrew Jackson

Bloody Flux sounds fun; the description has the delightful euphemism "many attempts at stool." You can imagine someone groaning in costive misery, and those were the days before lavatories had the Elvis Bar,* too.

When you've recovered you could sit around and wait for Tetter or Felon.

Or insects in the ear! There are helpful instructions on killing live insects stuck in your ear, as well as shoe buttons stuck in the nose.

 

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*Elvis Bar (vernacular) Term for the wall-mounted bar in handicapped access stalls; refers to Elvis Presley's notorious constipation, and suggests something he might have installed so he had something to grip during particularly dedicated sessions of attempted elimination.